That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
