I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
