I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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