i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
