2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
