You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
