i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
