how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
