Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
