I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
