Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
