I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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