we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
