Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
