I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
