I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you traded sex for a burrito?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
