How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
