I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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