I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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