Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
