please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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