he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
