Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
