He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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