yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
