Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize