Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
