dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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