It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize