Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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