Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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