She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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