I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize