I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
