Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I look better un-naked...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
