my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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