I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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