no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
