...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize