i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
