i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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