Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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