so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
