you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
