this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
