Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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