In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
