if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Too much gin, very little bucket
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
