not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize