And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we should paint friendship bongs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
