i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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