dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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