Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
