1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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