hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
