I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
handjob tips. give me some.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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