if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
