im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
