Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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