We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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