At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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