I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
