That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
