We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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