I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I checked into jail on foursquare
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
