Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
